I feel that I am definitely in a different SEASON!! It is not just that I live in Thailand and haven'e seen snow, rain or even a windy day since I was last in the states. The air temperature here ranges from 85-90 in the day and 74-76 in the evening. Although very enjoyable I do miss the seasons changing. With John in Hong Kong and Ron on a business trip the past few day I found my self with a little extra time to wander and wonder about SEASONS and why they are so important to the quality of lives. I decided to pull out the last conference Ensign and use it as my personal study for the day and see if I could get any new insights on ME! I tried to look at the talks with fresh EYES and and OPEN heart. I am happy with my life but still find that something is missing and so I want to change that something, the SEASON maybe? I am and have been at what appears to be a crossroad in my life, I think that happens when you turn 50!) and I need to get moving forward again. Not that I have been moving back wards or standing still I just think I need to take my life to a new LEVEL. Laughing as I type that...it sounds like I am playing a basketball game.... I just thought I would share some of my what I read and what I felt and wondered about as I had a little quiet time to think...
I started by reading the following... Bold purple and Italicized words are from the original author's message
"Obedience to the Prophets" by Elder Costa
- If I believe in holy prophets I should have eternal life...Check, I believe.
- President Monson messages are more vital to me then the standard works...If Pres. Monson messages are that vital why can I not remember what he talks about - then I better get reading all I can about him. I need to develop a love for him as a prophet as I did with President Hinckley. I just loved President Hinckley so much, his voice always touched my heart - I know that President Monson is the prophet - but I still yearn to hear President Hinckley - I need to move forward because...the living prophet is more important to us than a dead prophet.
- If I pay attention and follow his instruction my life will be "completely" blessed...and I need it to be COMPLETELY blessed.
First step then is to follow the PROPHET... I can do that.
Some of you who read this blog might not be familiar with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. If you would like to understand what a our Prophet is saying you can visit this website for more information: http://lds.org/study/prophets-speak-today?lang=eng
"Reflections on a Consecrated Life" by Elder Christofferson
- Life offers us two GIFTS: TIME and CHOICE
- ...My eternal reward is based on how I choose to use my time. I do not have the time to waste wondering what I don't have, I need to focus more on what I do have and make the best use of my time, however SHORT or long it may be.
- Men are that they might have JOY, a joy that includes a fullness of life, a life DEDICATED to service, to LOVE, to harmony in the home and the fruits of honest toil - an acceptance of the Gospel of Jesus Christ - of its requirements and commandments.... If I want to have JOY in my life then I must understand how to attain that JOY, then seek and actively participate in find IT!
- True success in this life comes in consecrating our lives - that is, our time and choices - to God's purposes...If Gods purpose is to bring to pass my immorality and eternal life, then how am I consecrating my time and choices to help Him fulfill His purpose? He wants me to have JOY - then why do use my time and choices to not have JOY? I need to make some attitude changes, I need to be a partner with God in bring about my own eternal salvation, happiness and JOY.
- A CONSECRATED LIFE CONSISTS OF...THESE FIVE ELEMENTS....
- Repentance: Stubbornness, rebellion and rationalization must be abandoned - and in their place submission, a desire for correction, and acceptance of all that the Lord may require...I thought that I was a pretty repentant person until I read this again and again and again. I had never thought of repentance in those three ways. It brought to mind a way different view of repentance, and it made me mindful of how much I really need the gift of repentance in my life. I am stubborn - at least in my own head and heart. I probably do rebel, in my own individual way- when I put what I desire over what the Lord desires for me. I realize that I do have a masters degree, I have mastered the art of rationalization. If left to my own devices I would probably rationalize my way right in to HELL and then wonder how I got there. Surely I have need to learn to be more submissive to the spirits promptings. I need to learn to take correction - especially when it comes from my own heart, because that is where the spirit speaks to me. Lastly, I need to accept ALL that the LORD may require - the key words is ALL. I have an inward tendency to question why instead of jumping forward with FAITH in all that the Lord asks and I willingly obey.
- Labor or WORK: ...All honest work is the work of God..."All true work is sacred.."Hard-earned achievement brings a sense of self-worth. Work builds and refines character, creates beauty, ...A consecrated life is filled with work, sometimes repetitive, sometimes unappreciated but always work ... I remember being in labor with each of my four children and loving the whole birthing process, and yes it was work but I understand that I was refining my character, creating the lives of my beautiful children and in the end there was a sense of achievement. But as the years have past I think that I have felt "less-then" in many ways because my work load has lightened as my children have matured. I never finished my degree so I never felt that I had a career ,or meaningful employment. My work was and is mundane, repetitive and usually unappreciated. Living here in Thailand I have even less physical work that requires my attention. SO then the question is how do I make my daily work sustain and enrich my life? I understand that attitude is everything - but I am feeling more obsolete each day. I need to find a work that will build and refine my character again. I want to create beauty and have that feeling of self-worth again. Pondering on this has given me many new ideas and maybe soon I will find fulfillment in a new type of LABOR. (Wholesome recreation is akin to work - you must be balanced in both) I like "ME" time, and I need to make sure that while I am working that I create time to be ME.
- Physical Body ...As our body is the instrument of our spirit it is vital that we care for it as best we can...I find that I get older I am not so pleased with my physical body breaking down. (LOL) I thought that I would be okay with aging but I find that in my head I am oh lets say 28 so it is hard to make my 50 year old body look, work and act like my 28 year old mind wants it to. Sometimes I push it to the physical limits and then pay for it the next few days. I need to remember that I need to be, look and feel the best that I can. I need to realize that I am not getting younger but I am in fact getting OLDER! (even as I type that I cringe) I sometimes feel like I wasted time in my twenties and thirties. After I had cancer in my forties I finally faced reality of life and death. I have learn not to fear death - but sometimes I fear LIFE. Especially as I look in the mirror and see someone that just doesn't quite fit with the person I am on the inside. What I need to be focusing on is not what I can't do but what I can do. I need to do as Paul suggested " ...that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God." (Romans 12:1) How does one change ones attitude about oneself - that is the million dollar question? And if I find out I will indeed be RICH!
- Service - Those who quietly and thoughtfully go about doing good offer a model of consecration...Okay of the five elements this is the one that I feel that I do the best. I like to be of service, it is the only WORK I really know how to do. It is what brings me fulfillment and self worth. Having said that I also think that it is important to be appreciated and shown gratitude for service performed, especially when the recipient knows of the the service. (sometimes service is done in secret and the server receives the reward in personal quiet self worth, and that is the best kind of service) I try to be grateful for all things, even if it is just a listening ear. To me showing gratitude is just as much of a service as the act that was rendered. I hope that I can always be grateful and give and receive service with the spirit of the LORD.
- Integrity - We see it in those who are honest...does not seek to take advantage of another...shows no hypocrisy...When reading this final element of a consecrated life I see this as one thing that is at the heart of all the unhappiness in today world. Are marriage vows kept with COMPLETE fidelity, are husbands and wives NOURISHING their marriage? Are fathers and mothers ensuring the physical and SPIRITUAL welfare of their children? Are we taking advantage of our neighbors, friends, co-workers, helpers or even family members? I know that I try to be honest in all my dealings...but how do you get to the point in your life where you are just honest. Is not telling the whole truth - being honest? Is not standing up for something you know is right when the opposition is so fierce against that something being honest? Using phrase like "complete honesty" cracks me up - like is there a recipe for "half honesty"? To be truthful with myself I have the hardest time being honest with myself. (WOW that was an honest statement) How is it that I hide things from myself? I think it falls under that rationalization thing that was stated in the first element...so I just need to find a way to be honest with myself and abandon rationalizing my actions and behavior. I think that is easier written then done. So to be honest with myself - I need to do a little changing so that I can have JOY
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints holds two conferences twice a year, one in April and one in October. Many wonderful and inspiring talks are given to try to help us live a life that is more Christ centered. If you would like to read more talks then just click on this link: http://lds.org/general-conference?lang=eng
By reading these two articles with new EYES brought about a change of heart for me...at least I am going to try to ponder and study a bit more on how to have a JOY filled life. I have let my worries and my feelings of "less then" be apart of my life for too long. I know that many of you are waiting for spring - but I think I am waiting for autumn, and the changing of the leaves.
Letting the winds of change blow the dry leaves and cobwebs from my life, Repenting, starting over with a new fresh canvas and learning to paint within my boundaries will be my winter. 
Summer will bring not only a new picture of myself but one that is priceless and is has a river of JOY running though it nourishing both body and soul.
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