Many people marvel at all the adventures that I have while
living over seas. True I do have many
wonderful opportunities to see many amazing sites, meet some incredible people,
learn marvelous new things and explore areas that people only dream about. And yet for me it is not always “sunny” in
paradise. I am speaking of course
metaphorically as it pretty much is sunny in Thailand everyday! To me my “adventures” as some would call it;
to me it is my life overseas and it comes with some pretty cloudy days. Today was one of them.
Before I continue I must remind myself that this was just
one cloudy day and I am sure that …”the sun will come out tomorrow” - but for today life is just a little hazy.
When asked about my life and time overseas I usually talk
about, email about, blog and Facebook about all the extraordinary escapades and
journeys that have become so much apart of my life in Asia. I would not change one thing about the
experiences that I have had here in this beautiful part of the world. However, today I would like to blog about the
things that are hard for me living overseas and hope that in some small way
those of you who are reading this may appreciate the small things in your daily
life that you may take for granted.
First living overseas is a privilege but that privilege
comes with a price. For me the most
costly part of my life here isn’t the airline flights, rent or food. It is the time that is missed being away from
family. Living 8000 miles, roughly a
24- 36-hour flight, from my four children has cost me many lost memories, lost
moments with grandchildren, lost time with those that I love the most. A good number of expatriate families choose
this life early on in their careers – and they welcome the adventure with their
young children. This type of life was
not of my choosing but a decision born out of employment changes and many
heartfelt prayers, after 30 years of “normal” family life.
Audrey was married, David and Laura were going to college
and John was the one that moved overseas with us. Now, some of you might think, awesome…yet if
you truly know me you would know that to me family is everything. Just because your children are grown doesn’t
mean you stop being a parent and being a parent on two different continents is
more difficult to do then one might think.
Worries just don’t stop for a mother just because her children have
flown the nest or in this case because I, the mother, had flown the nest. In
fact the worries increase because you can’t speak to them, see them and help
them when they need it. All calls have
to be made using the “time difference” allowance. (I have a clock next to our
US phone that tells me the time in Seattle to help me remember – with kids
living in four different times zones it is hard) There are times when I have been up very late
to be able to call one of my kids – or I have to wake up very early. Sleep becomes less important when you live
overseas – and that can be costly.
One misses out on
important things in life. We were living
in Hong Kong when Audrey was expecting our first grandson. I couldn’t just drop what I was doing and fly
to be at the birth, John was in 9th grade and Ron was traveling all
over Asia I needed to wait until John was out of school before I could make my
way to see Austin. That summer David and
Mandy had to choose a wedding day that could work around our travel
schedule. We just can’t fly home on the
weekends – the jet lag alone would be costly.
Laura graduated high school a year early so that she could go to college
the September we left for our overseas “adventure” – all my children have all
paid a price for this type of life.
We have not only missed out on some direct family events –
but extended family things as well.
Birthdays, baptisms, monthly family gatherings and holiday events are just
a few of the cost of living overseas.
For me the most costly event that I missed was the passing
of my father. He passed away in October 2012 and the last time that I was able to hug him was in August of that year at Laura's wedding. I was able to talk to him on the phone quite
often, but being a “daddy’s girl” there is nothing like a hug from my dad to
make any “cloudy day” sunny again. His
passing was so sudden that I was unable to get there to say good-bye in
time. That to me is a high price to pay
for this expatriate life.
The other thing that you must realize is that life goes on
in America and people, even well meaning family and friends forget about
you. You don’t fit in there and you
really aren’t apart of the place where you live – you are kind of in a limbo
state – neither belonging here or there.
It is a price that sometimes is very hard to bare when one wants to
belong somewhere.
Currently the biggest cost to me is that of not being able
to live my dream; that of having a home where I can have family over,
especially my grandsons. I want to have
Nana sleepovers, I want play dates with grandkids, I want a place where my
children can come and play games, talk and laugh together. I want to cook family dinners - I want to plant a garden, I want to mow my
lawn, I want to pull weeds, drive my truck, and have CHRISTMAS, Easter and 4th
of July gatherings at my home! Yes, to
me living in Thailand is expensive.
There are many more things that I find rather expensive in
relationship to the cost to my family for my “adventurous” expatriate life here
in Thailand but they are too pricey for me to even think about today. What has this all taught me…to be grateful
for every moment with family and loved ones, the good and the bad because when
you are far away it all matters. Every
smile, every word, every tear, every sleepy head, every messy kitchen, every
mile driven – all of it…it all matters.
So be grateful for each moment you share with family and
friends for one day you might find yourself 8000 miles away from all you hold
dear. I am grateful that Ron and I are
in this overseas adventure together…we know what it meas to “cleave one to
another” and we are stronger for paying the price together!
I was thinking about all this today and it made for a
“cloudy” day – raindrops in the form of tears were shed – but I know that “the
sun will come out tomorrow”!
On the lighter side...let me just list some other things that I find expensive
when one is living this way…
- 1.
You can’t go shopping for clothes or shoes if
you are over a size “0” – in Asia they will just tell you that you are too
large, too big or too fat and they don’t have your size! Ouch that can be costly to your ego!
- 2.
We have a car that sits in our garage, but we
don’t have keys to it, we can’t drive it – we have to wait for our driver to
arrive to take us where we need to be.
For some of you reading this you might think…well what is the
problem. There are no “last minute” trips for us.
Everything has to be planned, grocery shopping, hospital and doctor
visits – and any sightseeing trips we might what to take. And if you know me – I love, love, love to
drive and this is a real frustration for me.
Oh and the drivers native language is Thai – and English is a pretty
hard language for most Asians – they are very hard to understand and we don always end up where were are supposed to be.
- 3.
We have to worry about snakes – I HATE SNAKES!!
- 4.
Oh and the biggest thing is that 7-11 doesn’t
have 32 ounce drinks and certainly no “diet” fountain drink. Missing my fountain soda – costly!
Those last things are really just small inconveniences that we have learned to live with. IT really is the family time and lost moments with loved ones that is what is so hard.
But it is another day and the sun is almost out I can feel it getting brighter as I
write…tomorrow is almost here!
