It is with a very sad heart that I write this blog. Today I spoke at the funeral of my father. He was diagnosed with lung cancer a year ago two days before they were to come and visit me in Thailand. It was a long hard battle that ended on October 24, 2012.
On Saturday October 20 I called and talked to my dad, little did I know that it would be my last conversation with him. We had a wonderful talk full of laughter and stories. I told him that I was off to the Philippines with John and Ron the next day so that it might be hard for me to talk to him the next week. He lovingly said no worries he wasn't planning on going anywhere. We talk about me coming for a visit after Christmas as both John and Ron were scheduled for surgery the middle of November. John needed to have his right ACL repaired and Ron had to have a hernia repaired. He told me about his recent doctor's visit and that he had decided to forgo any more treatments. I said that I was in support of that decision, as for someone who had competed 6 months of chemo treatments, it is about quality of life. We talked about what that decision might mean and I told him that I loved him, that he was an amazing father and that I would always be there for mom. He thanked me and told me to have a great time in the Philippines, we said love you and the call ended.
Wednesday morning on a very remote island in the Philippines i received a urgent email telling me to call home as soon as I could. I grabbed Ron's blackberry and called my sister immediately. She told me that dad was not going to last thru the night (it was Tuesday evening in the states) and I didn't understand. I had just talked to him what happened in a few short days. She explained to me that my dad had just took a turn for the worst and went down hill with in hours. He was a home in bed barely getting oxygen and in extreme pain. She told me Audrey, my oldest daughter, was there and was able to talk to her "Papa" one last time. My heart was so heavy - it felt like someone was literally sitting on it. My dad was gone. I was never going to hear him say, " Carolina, (that is what he called my mom), number one is on the phone!" Even as I write this the hole in my heart is gapping wide open and the tears flow easily.
I wasn't able to return to Bangkok until Saturday and then turned around and left for the US on Sunday morning. When I landed in Seattle I had been traveling for almost 32 hours. It was a crazy few days of trying to wrap my mind around the fact that my father was gone, and still to this day it seems unreal. I am grateful for the love of family and friends who provided me with strength through their unceasing prayers, through their hugs - both physically and imagined, and through the memories they shared with me about how my father loved and cared for them. When someone wonderful passes from this mortal existence it is comforting to know that they had touched so many lives.
We had a family viewing Thursday evening which was a tender sacred time for our family. I felt so much love in that small room and knew that we would be all right because we loved one another. My mom has been a source of strength as I watch her deal with the loss of her eternal companion, husband and best friend. They were a team in life and will remain a team still.
I had the honor and privilege to be able to speak at the funeral. Gene, my bother, did an amazing job speaking also. The grandchildren and great grandchildren sang - it was a beautiful service.
Ron and John were unable to be there due to school and surgery commitments. David, Mandy and baby Kellan were not there either. David is in New York working, Mandy and Kellan are in Ohio with her parents. They were all there in spirit and I was uplifted by their prayers and love.
My dad was a source of strength to me, his love for me never faltered - even when I did at times. My life has been richly blessed because of my dad. I am a better person for having the support of a wonderful father and an excellent mother. I am indeed blessed.
On Saturday October 20 I called and talked to my dad, little did I know that it would be my last conversation with him. We had a wonderful talk full of laughter and stories. I told him that I was off to the Philippines with John and Ron the next day so that it might be hard for me to talk to him the next week. He lovingly said no worries he wasn't planning on going anywhere. We talk about me coming for a visit after Christmas as both John and Ron were scheduled for surgery the middle of November. John needed to have his right ACL repaired and Ron had to have a hernia repaired. He told me about his recent doctor's visit and that he had decided to forgo any more treatments. I said that I was in support of that decision, as for someone who had competed 6 months of chemo treatments, it is about quality of life. We talked about what that decision might mean and I told him that I loved him, that he was an amazing father and that I would always be there for mom. He thanked me and told me to have a great time in the Philippines, we said love you and the call ended. Wednesday morning on a very remote island in the Philippines i received a urgent email telling me to call home as soon as I could. I grabbed Ron's blackberry and called my sister immediately. She told me that dad was not going to last thru the night (it was Tuesday evening in the states) and I didn't understand. I had just talked to him what happened in a few short days. She explained to me that my dad had just took a turn for the worst and went down hill with in hours. He was a home in bed barely getting oxygen and in extreme pain. She told me Audrey, my oldest daughter, was there and was able to talk to her "Papa" one last time. My heart was so heavy - it felt like someone was literally sitting on it. My dad was gone. I was never going to hear him say, " Carolina, (that is what he called my mom), number one is on the phone!" Even as I write this the hole in my heart is gapping wide open and the tears flow easily.
I wasn't able to return to Bangkok until Saturday and then turned around and left for the US on Sunday morning. When I landed in Seattle I had been traveling for almost 32 hours. It was a crazy few days of trying to wrap my mind around the fact that my father was gone, and still to this day it seems unreal. I am grateful for the love of family and friends who provided me with strength through their unceasing prayers, through their hugs - both physically and imagined, and through the memories they shared with me about how my father loved and cared for them. When someone wonderful passes from this mortal existence it is comforting to know that they had touched so many lives.
We had a family viewing Thursday evening which was a tender sacred time for our family. I felt so much love in that small room and knew that we would be all right because we loved one another. My mom has been a source of strength as I watch her deal with the loss of her eternal companion, husband and best friend. They were a team in life and will remain a team still.
Ron and John were unable to be there due to school and surgery commitments. David, Mandy and baby Kellan were not there either. David is in New York working, Mandy and Kellan are in Ohio with her parents. They were all there in spirit and I was uplifted by their prayers and love.
My dad was a source of strength to me, his love for me never faltered - even when I did at times. My life has been richly blessed because of my dad. I am a better person for having the support of a wonderful father and an excellent mother. I am indeed blessed.
1 comment:
I'm so sorry for your loss Heidi. Papa was a good, good man. We will all miss him! We're thinking of you!! Love you!
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