Same Same but Different

They have a saying in Asia - "Same Same but Different".  I always smile when I hear this - how can something be the same but different.  It wasn't until I started to question my core beliefs, my past experiences, my motives for my actions or reactions and my desire to be a better person did I understand the saying.

I am the same person that I was 30+ years ago that graduated from high school and started on the LONG road to adulthood.

I am the same person that I was after being diagnosed with cancer at the YOUNG age of 40.

Yet, I am different.

Through the Asian phrase, "same same but different", I have come to learn that it very much describes me today.

When I graduated high school, I was an unassured young woman not really understanding who I was or how to capture the dreams that I held in my heart.  Venturing off to college was an eye opening experience.  Being young, nieve and trusting it came as a shock to me to find out that most people are selfish by nature, take advantage of kindness and can hurt you in ways that carry no physical wound - but emotional wounds run deep.  It was during these years that I learned to rely not on the arm of man but to turn to the Lord.  My faith increased and I became aware that I mattered to Him.  I was the "same but different"!

Early in my married life I felt unprepared for the role as a wife and mother.  I felt the need to hide my flaws and inadequacies, even from my family.  Motherhood was not something I felt that I was good at, a lot of the time I felt like I was a failure.  Then one day I looked at my children and saw these four incredible little people, strong in their own right, beautiful outside but more importantly beautiful inside. Each one taught me something about love, patience, trust, communication and humility and it was then that I knew that with the Lords guidance I was and had been worthy of the task.  Perfection is not something that can be attained in this life - but by moving towards being more like the Master I can do things that I thought I could not do. I am the same but I am also different for having had my experiences.

When the year 2000 began it was going to be my year.  Little did I know that literally it was to be "MY" year.  Your life really stops after you have been diagnosed with any life treating disease and that was true when it was discovered that I had an aggressive form of breast cancer.  I was still  the same person and yet I was so different!  I am grateful each day for what that disease has given me - a new look at life, more patience with myself and others, forgiveness, and to understand that love, honesty and relationships are what matter most.  I learned very early into my treatment that I was not going to be labeled a "survivor"  I was so much more then that.  I was reborn in a way on that day - still the same Heidi but so different and oh so much more.

The last few years have been an amazing journey.  I have seen so much of the world that I had never even dreamed of.  All the experiences that I have had will forever be a part of who I am.  I am the same, but different!  Recently I have discovered that as I look back to the past, live in the present and dream of the future that I am and always will be...

SAME SAME BUT DIFFERENT