Surgery completed and now for the healing and recovering phase begin! ENOUGH already! I just want to be me again. Finding and dealing with this "second" cancer has been going on since November 2015 and I am getting fed up with all the time it is sucking from my life! Wow glad I got that out of my system it makes me feel so much better already.
Albeit, my above rant I want it to be known that I am grateful for the many prayers that have been said on my behalf, for the love that I have felt across the miles and for the get well wishes from around the world. I can truly say that I was uplifted and my burden was made lighter by so many willing to walk with me again into the shadow of darkness: known to many as CANCER. Sometimes you find yourself going down a rabbit hole and never really know where it will lead or how deep it will get! I jumped down this rabbit hole of cancer for the second time and I think I have reached the bottom and now I just have to find my way back to the top. But what I have learned is that there is light at the end of the tunnel or hole in this case! The Lord always leave the light on for us if we but stop and take the time to look, listen and then react.
Many emotions have passed through me since that day in November when I visited with the doctors with the idea that there might be a problem. I worried endlessly about those that I have offended or hurt in any way. So, I tried to make amends to anyone I may have offended or hurt over the years. (The list was extremely short as I tend to apologize quickly, I don't really relishing guilty feelings.) Still that was some very awkward letter writing, but it put my mind at ease. One responded with a "hey I don't even remember that situation you are so forgiven Heidi, don't give it a second thought." While another one chose to not acknowledge my attempt to seek forgiveness. Maybe they didn't get that letter I sent, maybe they thought it was unimportant but the point is that I wanted to be free from any negative feelings that I may have caused. I did my best to ask for forgiveness and to forgive others and that is all anyone can do. I needed to go into this rabbit hole I am calling cancer head first with clean hands and a pure heart. It is after all you can do then the Lord will help you with the rest. I needed the Lords help to get me this far and I will still need His help during this recovery phrase.
Angry, upset, left alone, forgotten, and used are some of the terms that I might use to describe some of the feelings that have crossed my train of thought over the past three months. I am just tired of all the test, scans, doctor appointments and endless blood work. When you are diagnosed with something like this you are put on the "hamster health wheel" and you just keep spinning until you are told to stop and by then you are so dizzy you are not your best self you feel like you are just lost. I am hoping that I do not feel that way this time, I am in charge and I am going to stay in charge of my health and ain't no one going to stand in my way. WOW that felt good to get that out too! I better close this post up or I will not be responsible for what my fingers type!
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| Post Surgery and Still Smiling |
Albeit, my above rant I want it to be known that I am grateful for the many prayers that have been said on my behalf, for the love that I have felt across the miles and for the get well wishes from around the world. I can truly say that I was uplifted and my burden was made lighter by so many willing to walk with me again into the shadow of darkness: known to many as CANCER. Sometimes you find yourself going down a rabbit hole and never really know where it will lead or how deep it will get! I jumped down this rabbit hole of cancer for the second time and I think I have reached the bottom and now I just have to find my way back to the top. But what I have learned is that there is light at the end of the tunnel or hole in this case! The Lord always leave the light on for us if we but stop and take the time to look, listen and then react.
Many emotions have passed through me since that day in November when I visited with the doctors with the idea that there might be a problem. I worried endlessly about those that I have offended or hurt in any way. So, I tried to make amends to anyone I may have offended or hurt over the years. (The list was extremely short as I tend to apologize quickly, I don't really relishing guilty feelings.) Still that was some very awkward letter writing, but it put my mind at ease. One responded with a "hey I don't even remember that situation you are so forgiven Heidi, don't give it a second thought." While another one chose to not acknowledge my attempt to seek forgiveness. Maybe they didn't get that letter I sent, maybe they thought it was unimportant but the point is that I wanted to be free from any negative feelings that I may have caused. I did my best to ask for forgiveness and to forgive others and that is all anyone can do. I needed to go into this rabbit hole I am calling cancer head first with clean hands and a pure heart. It is after all you can do then the Lord will help you with the rest. I needed the Lords help to get me this far and I will still need His help during this recovery phrase.
Angry, upset, left alone, forgotten, and used are some of the terms that I might use to describe some of the feelings that have crossed my train of thought over the past three months. I am just tired of all the test, scans, doctor appointments and endless blood work. When you are diagnosed with something like this you are put on the "hamster health wheel" and you just keep spinning until you are told to stop and by then you are so dizzy you are not your best self you feel like you are just lost. I am hoping that I do not feel that way this time, I am in charge and I am going to stay in charge of my health and ain't no one going to stand in my way. WOW that felt good to get that out too! I better close this post up or I will not be responsible for what my fingers type!
3 comments:
I'm so glad your surgery went well! I've been thinking about you lots and hope that you have a smooth and quick recovery. You are such a great example to me (and always have been). I hope I get to see you when Audrey's baby comes! Love you!
Heidi, you are a light of hope, and a ray of sunshine. The Lord truly works in mysterious ways. There is someone who will benefit from this experience and be strengthened by your example. I believe that everything we are called to go through is for our frowth, but also to help others as they watch us. It is through watching others as well as our own struggles that we grow. Sometimes I become closer to the Lord when I am helping someone else or just observing. Their faith and perseverance inspire me and help me to re-examine my own life. I know you will be blessed with whatever you need as far as strength and courage. The Lord always is so close by. You inspire me. I love you and am humbled by your strength and faith.
You are so loved.
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