Mantra 2014 Late but Great

I realized today that I never established my 2014 mantra.  When I mentioned this to Ron he asked me what my last years mantra was; I told him and he promptly said that I probably didn't come up with a mantra for 2014 because I was still living my 2013 mantra, the one that was dedicated to my father.  It has been a hard year - I didn't realize how much of a daddy's girl I was or how much I appreciated his warm hugs and phone calls until they are gone.

Early in March of this year I was having a peculiar hard time.  I was struggling with loneliness and trying to reinvent myself, my life and my dreams.  Ron had been travel out of town quiet a bit, John was off at BYU, the other three kids had their own families and lives and I just didn't, and in some ways still don't, fit in here.   It had been a difficult Sabbath day and I need a blessing.  Thankfully a wonderful home teacher was willing to step in and give me a Priesthood blessing of comfort and healing.  One of the things that I was blessed with was..."to know that any frustrations, conflicts, pain or confusion would be healed through the grace of the Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  Through His loving atonement, a very real power, that surrounds me.  I would find myself being healed.  As I come to recognize this power I am to let it work within me...As I study the principles of the atonement and charity my soul, both body and spirit, will be buoyed up and will be strengthened in totality."  That was and is a great blessing - it was just what I needed.

Reflecting on that blessing the past few days I have developed my 2014 mantra:

"Through Grace, the enabling power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, I can do ALL things that are good"

 
Since March I have been studying the Atonement and keeping an atonement study journal.  It has help me to focus on learning to understand the principles of the atonement and how to let it "work within me".   I have learned that purpose of the gospel of Jesus Christ is to make bad people good and to make good people better.  It is a process and not a destination.  I still struggle with fitting in here and keeping myself productively busy and not feeling lost, forgotten or lonely.  But as I use the enabling power I find that I am more able to follow the will of the Lord and to turn to Him with my problems, challenges and issues and He in turn brings me comfort, peace and satisfaction knowing that I am progressing into becoming what He wants me to be.

The sun will come out tomorrow....

Many people marvel at all the adventures that I have while living over seas.  True I do have many wonderful opportunities to see many amazing sites, meet some incredible people, learn marvelous new things and explore areas that people only dream about.  And yet for me it is not always “sunny” in paradise.  I am speaking of course metaphorically as it pretty much is sunny in Thailand everyday!   To me my “adventures” as some would call it; to me it is my life overseas and it comes with some pretty cloudy days.  Today was one of them. 

Before I continue I must remind myself that this was just one cloudy day and I am sure that …”the sun will come out tomorrow”  - but for today life is just a little hazy.

When asked about my life and time overseas I usually talk about, email about, blog and Facebook about all the extraordinary escapades and journeys that have become so much apart of my life in Asia.   I would not change one thing about the experiences that I have had here in this beautiful part of the world.  However, today I would like to blog about the things that are hard for me living overseas and hope that in some small way those of you who are reading this may appreciate the small things in your daily life that you may take for granted.

First living overseas is a privilege but that privilege comes with a price.  For me the most costly part of my life here isn’t the airline flights, rent or food.   It is the time that is missed being away from family.   Living 8000 miles, roughly a 24- 36-hour flight, from my four children has cost me many lost memories, lost moments with grandchildren, lost time with those that I love the most.  A good number of expatriate families choose this life early on in their careers – and they welcome the adventure with their young children.  This type of life was not of my choosing but a decision born out of employment changes and many heartfelt prayers, after 30 years of “normal” family life.

Audrey was married, David and Laura were going to college and John was the one that moved overseas with us.  Now, some of you might think, awesome…yet if you truly know me you would know that to me family is everything.  Just because your children are grown doesn’t mean you stop being a parent and being a parent on two different continents is more difficult to do then one might think.  Worries just don’t stop for a mother just because her children have flown the nest or in this case because I, the mother, had flown the nest.    In fact the worries increase because you can’t speak to them, see them and help them when they need it.  All calls have to be made using the “time difference” allowance. (I have a clock next to our US phone that tells me the time in Seattle to help me remember – with kids living in four different times zones it is hard)  There are times when I have been up very late to be able to call one of my kids – or I have to wake up very early.  Sleep becomes less important when you live overseas – and that can be costly.

 One misses out on important things in life.  We were living in Hong Kong when Audrey was expecting our first grandson.  I couldn’t just drop what I was doing and fly to be at the birth, John was in 9^th grade and Ron was traveling all over Asia I needed to wait until John was out of school before I could make my way to see Austin.  That summer David and Mandy had to choose a wedding day that could work around our travel schedule.  We just can’t fly home on the weekends – the jet lag alone would be costly.  Laura graduated high school a year early so that she could go to college the September we left for our overseas “adventure” – all my children have all paid a price for this type of life.

We have not only missed out on some direct family events – but extended family things as well.  Birthdays, baptisms, monthly family gatherings and holiday events are just a few of the cost of living overseas.

For me the most costly event that I missed was the passing of my father.  He passed away in October 2012 and the last time that I was able to hug him was in August of that year at Laura's wedding.  I was able to talk to him on the phone quite often, but being a “daddy’s girl” there is nothing like a hug from my dad to make any “cloudy day” sunny again.  His passing was so sudden that I was unable to get there to say good-bye in time.  That to me is a high price to pay for this expatriate life.

The other thing that you must realize is that life goes on in America and people, even well meaning family and friends forget about you.  You don’t fit in there and you really aren’t apart of the place where you live – you are kind of in a limbo state – neither belonging here or there.  It is a price that sometimes is very hard to bare when one wants to belong somewhere.

Currently the biggest cost to me is that of not being able to live my dream; that of having a home where I can have family over, especially my grandsons.  I want to have Nana sleepovers, I want play dates with grandkids, I want a place where my children can come and play games, talk and laugh together.  I want to cook family dinners  - I want to plant a garden, I want to mow my lawn, I want to pull weeds, drive my truck, and have CHRISTMAS, Easter and 4^th of July gatherings at my home!  Yes, to me living in Thailand is expensive.

There are many more things that I find rather expensive in relationship to the cost to my family for my “adventurous” expatriate life here in Thailand but they are too pricey for me to even think about today.  What has this all taught me…to be grateful for every moment with family and loved ones, the good and the bad because when you are far away it all matters.  Every smile, every word, every tear, every sleepy head, every messy kitchen, every mile driven – all of it…it all matters.

So be grateful for each moment you share with family and friends for one day you might find yourself 8000 miles away from all you hold dear.  I am grateful that Ron and I are in this overseas adventure together…we know what it meas to “cleave one to another” and we are stronger for paying the price together!

I was thinking about all this today and it made for a “cloudy” day – raindrops in the form of tears were shed – but I know that “the sun will come out tomorrow”! 

On the lighter side...let me just list some other things that I find expensive when one is living this way…

• 1.     You can’t go shopping for clothes or shoes if you are over a size “0” – in Asia they will just tell you that you are too large, too big or too fat and they don’t have your size!  Ouch that can be costly to your ego!
• 2.     We have a car that sits in our garage, but we don’t have keys to it, we can’t drive it – we have to wait for our driver to arrive to take us where we need to be.  For some of you reading this you might think…well what is the problem.    There are no “last minute” trips for us.  Everything has to be planned, grocery shopping, hospital and doctor visits – and any sightseeing trips we might what to take.   And if you know me – I love, love, love to drive and this is a real frustration for me.  Oh and the drivers native language is Thai – and English is a pretty hard language for most Asians – they are very hard to understand and we don always end up where were are supposed to be.
• 3.     We have to worry about snakes – I HATE SNAKES!!
• 4.     Oh and the biggest thing is that 7-11 doesn’t have 32 ounce drinks and certainly no “diet” fountain drink.  Missing my fountain soda – costly!

Those last things are really just small inconveniences that we have learned to live with.  IT really is the family time and lost moments with loved ones that is what is so hard.

But it is another day and the sun is almost out I can feel it getting brighter as I write…tomorrow is almost here!

Thirty is YOUNG

Thirty years ago today Ron was driving me through the icy streets of Salt Lake City to the hospital - the baby that I had been protected inside of me was about to make an appearance.  In 1984 there there was no way to detect the gender of a infant prior to birth so we had no idea if it was to be a boy or girl, where as now you can almost certainly know the sex of a baby before it is born and be ready! 

Audrey Lynn Gailey decided to make her debut in the early afternoon of January 5th 1984!  She was perfect and I had really NO idea of how to be a parent.  I soon learned quickly and over the last 30 years I have made my share of parenting mistakes but I have also had many successes!   I will always be grateful to a loving kind Father in Heaven who gave me a very forgiving, patient and loving first child.

A  ngel like Hair

U  nique Sense of Humor

D  evotion Unwavering

R  ejoices in Motherhood

E  ternal Daughter

Y oung at Heart

Happy Thirtieth Birthday Audrey - Love Mom

Worth It

John and I left Thailand on Friday afternoon December 28th and arrived in Seattle on January 28th at 6:30 pm.  The flight takes about 20 hours and we go back a day.  Jet Lag is inevitable - John's hits him hard the first week and I seem to adjust but then it kicks in the second week.  It just so happens the second week was the week that I dropped of John for is first semester of collage - now that was emotion filled for me. And I am running on little sleep! 
In order to get him to college I had to take a flight from Seattle to SLC then drive up to Rexburg.  Due to the storm in the Northeast my flight was changed, delayed and almost cancelled out of Seattle.  Arrival time at the Sea-Tac airport was 8:30 AM - departing time for SLC airport  was 9:45 PM.  Eleven hours in the airport for my 2.5 hour flight - then in the morning a 4 hour drive to Rexburg where I had to help John unpack and set up his college room - then say goodbyes and return to SLC to take a flight to Las Vegas.  I thought I was in the clear - but then my flight to Las Vegas was changed and delayed - nearly 6 hours!  I was traveling with some bad JUJU!  I was emotionally drained, physically tired and was developing an aversion to Airport waiting areas....

But finally it was all worth it....

Nana and Austin ...Movie TIme

Launching

The day has come...I am not sure that I am very excited about it, and I am not sure that my eyes will not leak tears as I drive away - but today is the day that I launch John!  He is starting BYU- Idaho on Monday and so I will be living without my constant companion of the last four years.  John and I have had many experiences, from diving in Malaysia together to driving 8000 miles across the United States! 

I will miss my "Baby" - although I can hardly call him a baby at 6' tall and 210 pounds!  

The Launching Party

Love Letters

One of my "favorite things" is receiving hand written letters.  I have save almost all of the letters I have ever received.  Some of mine date back to when I was in high school, some are from former students and some are just short and sweet words of appreciation. Over the years I have been lucky enough to receive a few  love letters from my husband, Ron. 

I think that everyone deserves to receive at least one love letter, so if you haven't written to someone you love - get your pen and some paper and get writing! A hand written note or message means more then the paper that they are written on - it shows that you truly care, that you took the time to express yourself and that the person that you are writing to matters.  In this fast paced world take a moment to hand write a LOVE letter, or even a letter of appreciation or gratitude.  Go ahead make someones day!

Here is the one I received for my Birthday a few months ago.  I was in the US visiting our children and Ron was back in our home in Thailand. 

Tuesday, September 03, 2013

Dear Heidi.

Here it is, September 3^rd, and we are far apart.  I can only wish you a Happy Birthday with a letter and a call (or Skype). 

It seems forever since I’ve held you.  Far too long.  And I so look forward to your return.  I do OK alone and I can care for myself, but it’s not the same when you’re not here.  It releases my boring side and I just work or take care of obligations.  But, there is no laughter and there is limited conversation. 

Having this time alone gives me a chance to consider how much you add to my life.  You bring fun.  You bring happiness.  You bring new ideas, new experiences, and a freshness to life that I love.  It’s been that way for the past 33 years.  There is always something new and interesting with you.  It has blessed my life. 

And so, on this, your 53^rd birthday, I want to thank you for the gifts you have brought into my life.  

Thank you for the gift of friendship for the gift of fun and for the gift of love.  

Thank you for being a spiritual equal and sometimes superior companion and for elevating me and making me want to be better. 

And thank you for being the perfect mother for our children.  They are who they are because you are who you are. 

I look forward to the next 33 years to come, and the eternity which follows. 

I love you immensely.

RON

Letter to My Children

My dearest children,

As I sit in the airport waiting for my flight back to Bangkok, I am reflecting on the last three months.  I want to thank each of your for your willingness to house me, feed me and let me invite your individual domains.  As I went about visiting each of you I was impressed with the love and spirit that filled your homes.  

Audrey and Toren, you are wonderful partners - I love how you do everything together.   I see both of your strengthens and marvel how the Lord knew what each of you needed to grow closer to Him and to help you each reach your potential.  Austin is blessed to have you as parents and you are blessed to have him as a son.  He is a wonderful little man and with your love and guidance he will grow into a faithful priesthood holder ready to do the Lords work.  Audrey as my first born you have been an example to your younger siblings and I could not have asked for a better first child.  Thank you for all your help and friendship over the past few years.  You are one amazing woman and I love you deeply.  Toren you are perfect for Audrey!

David and Mandy, I am so proud of both of you.  You have had a rough eighteen months and yet have come out having grown, learned and survived through trial that most would have faltered in. You are creating a home for Kellan that is filled with love, patience, memories, education and mostly the teaching of the Lords church.  As you pray will Kellan he will know of your testimonies and of your love for the Savior and for him.  You both are a support to your small branch and as you continue serving in your callings you will see blessing that come to those that put the Lord first in their lives.  David, you call yourself my favorite -and you a re right you are my favorite David!  My sunshine boy has grown into an amazing husband, father and servant of the Lord and as your mother I could not help but feel blessed to have you a my son.  Mandy you are truly my daughter, and I love you!

Laura and Scott Dallas seems to suit you both.  You have had an interesting first year of marriage and I am sure that you have learned a lot about what it means to  love another person with all your heart.  I am sure too that you are learning about forgiveness, it is a must in every marriage, and you both are learning what it takes to run a home and create a family.  Laura you are my "Boo" and always will be.  You have been easy to parent and easy to love.  My life was blessed the day they put you in my arms and you have been a blessing of peace to me ever since.  Scott I know that you love Laura and I know that you will always take care of her. Thank you for providing her with another family to call her own.

John, now the tears are coming, You will never know how much you mean to me until you have a child of your own.  I have depended on you the last four years and even though we have had our up and downs, and some really hard times, you have always been there for me and I will never be able to thank you enough.  As you start out on your adult life I marvel and how far you have come from that little boy who had his first baseball game at "Lake Grove" (LOL)  John, you have so much potential and so much to give the world.  Never doubt yourself, your testimony or my love for you.  John you make me proud to be a mom.

Leaving to go back to Thailand is very hard for me but it is where the Lord still wants us to be so I will be obediant even though my heart is torn between two countries and a big ocean in-between!  It is my love for my Father in Heaven and His son that make it possible for me to be so far from each of you.  My house might be in Thailand but my home and heart is with each of you.  

Be happy, remember show love to one another , keep in contact with each other and go to the temple as often as you can if you do these things your lives will be blessed in so many ways and I will be able to feel your love.

Remember I love each of you dearly…

Always, Mom