Terrible No Good Very Bad Day

Oh my, I did it…I had a complete melt down in a store today somewhere in the middle of Thailand! Tears and everything right in the middle of housewares! I could feel it coming on and tried to ignore the signs, but they got the better of me. Usually I can hold out until I am somewhere more private, like my bedroom but not today! No, today I had to embarrass myself and poor Laura; she didn’t know what to do for me.


I feel out of control and don’t really want to do this, by this I mean to learn to live in another country that English isn’t even the second language. In Hong Kong at least it was a second language and they were used to foreigners. Here in Thailand the language barrier is so much harder, and since I have been in the states the last three months my understanding skills have lessened. I feel sorry for both the Thai’s and me – we try to understand each other – but sometimes I just have no idea what I am suppose to do. I managed to buy 3 beds after the melt down and after 3 hours of wondering and questioning what I should do. Everything cost money, money that I would not have to spend if we were still in HK or the states. Starting over after just ten months is HARD; emotionally, socially, economically, spiritually and even to a degree physically. Don’t get me wrong, I have done HARD things in my life and know that it always works out and get easier but it is still HARD when you are in the thick of it!


After my summer of living out of my truck and staying with people who would open their home to John and I, thank you wonderful family and friends, I am just plain tired. Tired of not having my own bed, my own closet for my clothes, my own washing machine and my own SPACE! I could never live in a hotel and in a big city for long – it is too impersonal and crowded.

Bangkok Thailand

I really think I am a country girl who has had to adapt to the city life and I have been “Bucking” it all the way. You can take the girl out of the country but you can’t take the country out of the girl!

 I require SUN and SOLITUDE on a daily basis, I am missing Mount Butler right about now, climbing that trail always gave me both.

Oh and another funny thing, I have to give a talk in church on Sunday, the topic PATIENCE. Say what…I was never blessed with that gift. I have learned how to have some patience over the years but I am far from having enough to sustain me longer than a few days. I am sure this is the Lords way of reminding me that He is in charge of my life and I am to be following His plan for me. I know that principle in my head but I forget to feel it in my heart. I am a survivor, I have been through tough times before and will continue to STAY on the path – but I think it is okay that I have a TERRIBLE NO GOOD VERY BAD DAY once in a while. Tomorrow will be better, I am sure of it!